Catch Those Limiting Beliefs! 4 Ways to Eliminate Those Limiting Beliefs
We all have a pesky little voice instead our heads that tell us that we can’t do something or don’t even think of trying. Those are limiting beliefs that constrain us. We believe them and it creates a barrier that is only in our head! These limiting beliefs can include the following and repeat them enough times, they will come true:
“I am too old.”
“I am not creative.”
“I don’t deserve this position.”
“I never went to college so therefore I can’t make more than $10 an hour.”
Even before my first child was even born, my mother-in-law told me she was too old to watch and take care of her grandchild. She would say, “you know I need to act my age” or “all my friends tell me that when you get older you can’t do _________.” When I eventually went back to work after baby number 1 was born, I found alternative arrangements for care during the day of my son through daycare. Then after 6 months when my mother-in-law spent enough time around her grandson, all those beliefs went out the window and amazingly she found the energy and strength to spend time with her grandchild and wanted to take care of him two days a week.
Last year, I came home from work, 8 months pregnant with baby number 2 and hear the same story, “you know I am old and I can’t care for another baby, all my friends tell me how hard it is to care for two children.” That is when I put my foot down and addressed this as a ‘limiting belief.’ Of course, this caught her off guard, that I had a name for this repeating voice inside her head that was fostered by her friends who would not dare to challenge her limiting beliefs.
Why stress and create barriers when the child is not even born and for the first 3 months, I have already come up with solution to solve the problem. I put in place a support team of grandparents and a nanny to help with the situation and ease the newborn baby into a schedule and work through the process as a team. I am ready for when baby number 2 comes, I have addressed the issues and have identified a solution and developed a plan to help the situation of taking care of 2 children. I am sure just like before her limiting belief will change when she gets to know her second grandson and will want to spend time, until then I just get to deal with her ongoing list of limited beliefs.
What is a limiting belief?
Limiting beliefs are frequently about ourselves and our self-identity. These might be beliefs about rights, responsibilities, capabilities, permissions and on and on. The beliefs may also be about other people (for instance how a pregnant woman should act and behave) and the environment or world in general (for instance in the news, anytime there is a new president there are always negative reactions from the opposing party to his/her leadership before he has even taken office). In any case, they gloomily limit us.
How do we get limiting beliefs?
If you were to ask a group of kindergarteners: “Who is a good artist and can paint a picture?” Almost all kindergarteners will raise their hand and acknowledge that they are a good artist. Now ask a group of adults the same question and you might get one or two to say that they are good at painting a picture.
Somehow between childhood and adulthood, many of us crush our natural tendencies to dream and do big lofty goals. Those self-confident kindergarteners become unselfconfident scaredy-cat adults, hindered by self-limiting beliefs that squash our self-esteem, decrease productivity and diminish success.
Here are some areas in life’s experiences where the limiting beliefs develop:
Experience – Through direct experiences we form our opinions and when something happens we start to draw conclusions. We learn through mistakes and this was a natural design to help us avoid harmful experiences. This can also create limiting beliefs when we feel that we are constantly failing.
A good example is Thomas Edison kept inventing after failing numerous times to invent a light bulb. He actually failed 1,000 times and was fired from two jobs before inventing the light bulb. Thank goodness he did not use this as a limiting belief,
Fear – Fear driven beliefs are the most common derivative of limiting beliefs. There is frequently a glaring social element to our choices and the imaged thoughts of criticism, ridicule or rejection by others is enough to strongly inhibit us. We also worry that we may be affected in some way by others, and as a result we either dodge or seek to appease them.
An example is when people are afraid to start a blog or speak in front of others. Pat Flynn from Smart Passive Income talks about his fear of public speaking but now has an impressive blog and portfolio of public speaking events under his belt.
Education- Through the formal education system, our parents and influencers (friends, peers, etc.), we form perceptions of our world when we cannot gather enough experiences. When forming our perceptions of the world, we cannot depend on experiences for everything. When friends tell you their perception, it can limit us and we become ‘infected’ by their beliefs. Parents can equally do this with their own beliefs and create an environment that fosters more limiting beliefs.
My high school Spanish teacher told my parents, “she will never learn another language.” Well I proved them both wrong after living in France for 5 years, I am fluent and able to speak another language. Had I listened to them and repeated the belief, I may have just limited myself.
Faulty logic – In any decision we make, we create a schema of a ‘return on investment’ and will conclude that the investment of time, effort and money is inadequate, and that there is a little chance of success and increased chance of failure. We take in little data and then generalize it to the situation. We go on feelings that are based more on subconscious expectations and fears than on reality. The word ‘because’ can be dangerous and when we use it, we create a cause-and-effect and habitually do not challenge reasoning.
An example is like when Michael Hyatt stated an excellent example of faulty logic in a podcast, “I can’t be a General Manger, because I am too young.” … Or when my mother-in-law constantly compares herself to others on why she can’t do something, there is also a ‘because’ statement. She would always tell me, “it is because you are gifted and I am not.” The term ‘gifted ability’ has always rubbed me the wrong way. As if I was born with a magic ability and never had to work hard and just was given a talent, if anything I worked extremely hard and threw as many irons in the fire to make an opportunity happen to be able to showcase my true talent. Here are some lovely examples, I hear on a frequent basis: “Well you are just gifted at speaking French, I tried once and it was just not for me.” Or … “I am just not that good at running because I was never athletic.”
Excuse – We all create excuses for why we can’t do something. This is faulty logic and form limiting beliefs to allow us to skip out on what we perceive to be our failures. When something does not work the way we expected, we play the excuse game to justify our actions and beliefs. But in doing so, we do not learn and may increasingly limiting what we will contemplate and do in the future.
A common excuse I hear from my female colleagues is that, “I don’t have time to network because I have kids.” Or … “I just don’t fit that job description by 100% therefore I should not apply.”
Common Limiting Beliefs – Which ones do you catch yourself saying the most?
- I’m too old / I’m too young
- I’m a creative / I’m not creative
- People will judge me. I’ll sound stupid
- I’m not somebody who follows through
- The only way to success is to go to college, get a degree, and work your way up the corporate ladder
- I’m just not motivated
- I’m not smart enough
- I can’t do that
- There is no point
- I don’t deserve ________
- Nobody cares what I have to say
- Other people can do it better than me
- I’m happy with how things are now
- People won’t take me seriously because I’m..(female, pregnant, too young, don’t have an MBA)
- I don’t feel like I could give enough value
- Somebody has thought of this before
- Nobody would want what I have to offer
- Nobody is interested in my ideas
- I’m good at starting projects but I can’t finish them
- I don’t have the skills
- I don’t know enough
- I’m not an expert
- I’m not perfect. Why would anybody hire me?
- I didn’t work hard enough on this
- People who have something to sell are evil
- I’m not worth it
- I can’t ask for anything. I’ll be rejected
- I don’t/wouldn’t know where to start
- The people who are successful in this are out of your league
- You’re not going to be successful so there’s no point in trying
- I don’t have time
- I’ll look foolish
- I’m beneath these people
- I’m not just not good at sports. I’m just not good with math.
- I’ve tried it before and failed, so I’ll fail if I try again, too
- I can’t because I have kids.
- I can’t because I..
- What is meant to be will happen
What can you do to stop that limiting belief?
Here is a true story of how I conquered my limiting belief when I was pregnant and in my 3rd trimester, visibly pregnant, and interviewing for many jobs and opportunities. I was rocking out in my whale maternity suit and in high heel boots to hide my swollen ankles. As I was gaining momentum in the interview process, I was 8 months pregnant and in the last month before giving birth, I had 60 interviews lined up on the calendar. Had I listened to my peers and been afraid of being judged being pregnant and interviewing, I would have never advanced to where I am now.
1. Awareness of your limiting beliefs
Most of the time we are not even conscious of our limiting beliefs. We don’t recognize them for what they are because we have made them a reality. Carry your Smart Phone and find a note or list taking app and whenever you notice when your disposition change for the worse or become less optimistic. What triggered that feeling? There’s usually a thought behind those limiting belief.
Example: “I am afraid to interview for a new job because I am 37 weeks pregnant and what will they think of me.”
2. Become a detective and examine the evidence
Once you have uncovered your limiting beliefs that you are repeating, you can start the process of examination of the evidence that validates those beliefs. Most of the time there is not a whole lot you can pick from for evidence that has a lot of merit.
Example: “They will judge me when they see my baby bump and find evidence in the interview on why I am unqualified for the job.”
3. Find and collect new evidence
Now start finding evidence that invalidates the limiting belief. If you think about this appropriately, you will find that there is actually a lot of evidence out there that you have not thought about and have been ignoring.
Example: “There are many professional pregnant women that are successful that have shared their story (Marissa Mayer, CEO of Yahoo, Sheryl Sandberg, CFO of Facebook).
Or … “If I interview pregnant than I will really know what they truly think of me and it may not be a company I want to work for in the end.”
4. Trade in that limiting belief for a positive affirmation
Create that positive internal positive dialogue and constantly repeat those thoughts to form new beliefs. For each limiting belief you have, turn it into a positive empowering statement and take the action necessary to change your life. You are in control!
Example: “I am 37 weeks pregnant and no one wants to hire me.” Now becomes, “ I don’t care what they think of me physically because I know I can bring value with all this extra blood supply to my brain.” Seriously I did and I felt awesome.
There is never a quick fix, it does take serious determination and effort. Just like running a marathon, don’t lose sight of the finish line. You have the knowledge, now it is time to take action and make it happen!
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